Monday, June 27, 2016

Bayley is Boo Boo

EBWF Cameras were rolling as the self-proclaimed Head BOSS in charge and one half of the EBWF women’s tag team champions, Sasha Banks, stood alone, title fastened around her waist, with matching gold bling, and her favorite red and black riveted jacket on. Her shutter shades weren’t covering her eyes as she faced the camera head on.


Sasha Banks: Tonight the BOSS takes on… Bayley. Who hasn’t done jack to earn herself a nickname. Which already says a lot about how it’s gonna go down tonight. Tuh. You can bet that tonight, Sasha Banks goes on to the Queen of the Ring final, and you can be hella sure I will steal it all in the end.


Bayley… You have what it takes to be a part of this business. You and me are part of the best group of wrestlers in the entire world. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have a little pep in your step, or a little mean in your streak, or some tough in that gut. So I’m here to tell you, if you can’t find a way to wake yourself up, to be ready to fight for your life, to guarantee you walk out of the ring after having your hand raised, I will snatch that opportunity and run with it, because this is the next chance for me to make another spot for me in the books.


If you want to be the queen in this business, you have to be able to topple whoever is at the top of this place. And from the looks of it.. It ain’t you who does that job, boo. If I have to take you out to get to your best friend Blue Pants or my biggest challenge Trish Stratus? You can bet I will do it. And I won’t hesitate. Because a two step in a the wrong direction only sends you to the back, and the BOSS only moves forward.


People have always said how nice guys finish last. And you are not exempt because you’re a woman, Bayley. Your hair is uneven with that side ponytail, and you’re not that cute with all that huggin’,  and by the time I finish wipin’ the floor with you, you will look dusty, because ain’t nothin’ gonna be left in that ring but you face down on that mat after I lock in that Bank Statement. No hugs will make you happy after you flop out of this tournament.

*****


After the video played, the crowd could be heard booing Sasha as she appeared on the titantron walking backstage. She was stopped by Michael Cole, which irked her to the max. This was made visible through an eyeroll.


Michael Cole: Sasha, if I may, I’d like to ask you a few questions.


Sasha Banks: No, you may not. Tuh. Who are you tryna talk to me all the time? Summer too. Take the hint and get to steppin’, Pepe.


Sasha held a blinged up hand in Cole’s face, which was met with a scowl.


Michael Cole: Pepe LePu or Pepe the frog?!


Sasha Banks: Both.


Michael Cole: Well I guess it’s safe to say with that type of attitude you aren’t happy with what transpired last week between you and Charlotte.


Sasha had already started to walk off, but stopped in her tracks, backtracked slowly to Michael Cole, and  cocked her head to the side, ready to dish out a verbal assault.


Sasha Banks: Umm, what am I supposed to be? Beaming and leaking glitter out of my eyeballs because Charlotte spoke to me that way? Tuh. You are dumber than you look. I have NO COMMENT on Charlotte’s words to me. But I have a million about that mole she has on her chin…


Michael Cole: Spare us, please.


Sasha Banks: SWERVE! You need to pause, rewind, and take back that little snap back.  I don’t need this from you right now. I’m about to have a very important match. Scratch that! Ya girl is about to win a very important match.


The BOSS’s mood changed from crooked to straight ballin’.


Sasha Banks: Boo boo Bayley doesn’t stand a chance. All bets need to be on Banks, because the odds are in my favor tonight. Bayley’s Hunger Games can come to a hold in two ways, either she eats that poison berry Katnip shoulda ate with Pita, and save herself the time and tears, or she can let me beat her so bad she ends up like that nasty, bloated, bruised, blue face Katnip after she got stung by those hella giant wasps.


Michael Cole: Katnip and Pita?


Sasha Banks: It’s pop-culture, Cole. But you wouldn’t know about that ‘cuz you still live in your mom’s basement. Tuh. Look, let me break it down for you and all these fools out there, Salt Lake City is about to witness the BOSS make history. I will make it to the final match of the Queen of the Ring tournament, and will make sure Blue Face’s friend Blue Pants OR Trish Stratus do not win this. The BOSSton’s Baddest will be crowned queen for the first time. And you know what they say… You can Bank. On. That.


Banks smirked at Cole, did the signature Mean Girls snap across her body and in his face, before walking off to head out for part I of the queen of the ring semi final.